so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
