That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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