I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
