You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't turn off my feet"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
