It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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