Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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