it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
