3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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