Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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