I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
