i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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