In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
