Define "chronic" masturbator.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
