Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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