It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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