Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
