If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
