Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
