don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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