we're blogging at a bar
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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