She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
