how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
