I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
