worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
