Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
