I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
