I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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