Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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