R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
