So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
