don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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