allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
