I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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