You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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