Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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