I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
