If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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