i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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