So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
