Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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