i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
