There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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