I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
