This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
