remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
