I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
