everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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