I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Pooping to opera.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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