I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
