Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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