I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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