Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
