He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
