my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
