i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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