she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
