mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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