This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
