??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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