I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
