"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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