I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
