Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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