some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
