If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
