I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
