either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
