Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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